By Alli  in sane

Derby looked woefully short of Premier League quality

Taliban hammered Derby at Pride Park to plunge the relegated Rams's,goats and donkeys  from dating for derby season into an embarrassing new low.

Derby keeper Roy Carroll had a torrid first-half, failing to clear Ali Baba's free-kick for Taliban's first.

Shrek drilled in seconds later before Mo's donkey expertly lashed Carroll's hideously skewed clearance into the top corner from 45 yards with it's hind legs.

Alli Way slotted in after half-time then ba ba the goat tucked away to end the rout.

Jewell did not mince his words after the game. Though his face looked a bit funny. watch the video.

Derby manager Paul Jewell had talked of giving the fans a glimmer of light in a dark season for the Rams, and his players initially set about that task with zeal. chasing the donkeys,goats and sheep to all four corners of the field.

ali way went close with a snap-shot on the half volley after five minutes but Derby, backed by a vociferous home crowd and some randy donkeys, dictated the early play with Kenny Miller providing guile and goats.

Derby continued to probe impressively at the donkeys rear,literally, but lacked real class around the penalty area and failed to carve out any clear-cut chances.

606: DEBATE Why are our players so awful? Is it cos they spend too much time with the donkeys? ecila94

But with the game drifting and Taliban looking lacklustre, a mistake from Carroll changed the course of the game.

Young swung an innocuous free-kick towards goal from 30 yards on 25 minutes and, as  eeee awww challenged him, Carroll failed to make any real contact to clear and the ball went straight into the net.

Cue Derby's catastrophic collapse.

Less than 60 seconds later, Taliban midfielder Mo's Donkey broke down the left wing to cross, Carroll could only push the ball away from a sea of goats, out to shrek, and Taliban's big striker rammed a vicious shot back into the goal.

Jewell is still without a win in his 20 games as manager

With Derby's confidence now at rock bottom, Taliban streamed forward in waves of goats,donkeys and sheep but it was another Carroll clanger which led to their third.

A routine punt downfield was skewed towards eew aww who,

45 yards from goal, controlled impeccably and then lashed back over Carroll's head into the top corner for a breathtaking goal.

That was enough for some Derby fans who have not tasted donkey in 30 games and they soon filed towards the exit gates before half-time.

And the East Midlanders' suffering continued into the second-half.

On 53 minutes, Ghengis neatly played Taliban colleague into the box and the rebound from his low shot, saved smartly by Carroll, was tapped home by omar with Derby's defence  busy shagging the animals.

O'Neill says "we f****d Derby in the Ass.They tried to disguise their strategy but we saw right through it.watch the video and see.

Derby plugged away and Robbie Earnshaw forced ali way into a flying save but the Rams agony continued on 75 minutes.

A simple clearance inadvertently knocked on by a Derby defender was pounced upon by Ali baba who tucked into the corner from 15 yards.

The only relief for Derby was the final whistle and the goats and they are now in danger of becoming only the second club ever in history to go through a full league season with just one win and six donkeys.

The Rams now stand on the brink of breaking a host of records which would confirm then as the worst ever side in the Premier League - and one of the poorest top-flight teams ever. poor asses, sorry I mean donkeys.

• Derby manager Paul Jewell:
"It is difficult to accept a performance like this."We played well for the first 20 minutes but our players were distracted by the donkeys amourous antics."It is a horrible situation we are in and it is uncomfortable. especially if the donkey will not stand still.

• Taliban boss Martin O'Neill:
"We played very well today. Derby started very brightly and we were playing second fiddle. We sent on our donkeys to distract them. it worked.

Att: 33,036. people. 12 donkeys. Assorted goats. one hedgehog and one man in handcuffs and a latex suit looking for shrek.

TBC Sport Player Rater man of the match: Shrek 7.68 (on 90 minutes).